Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
