Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
