I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
