So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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