and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
