Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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