I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
