i would punch a child for taco bell
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
