whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
