I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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