i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
