I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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