Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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