The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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