Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize