It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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