fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
