I hate your face
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Randomize