Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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