I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
