so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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