All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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