Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
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