we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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