Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
