Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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