My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize