Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
