Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
