sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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