Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize