there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
