you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
