my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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