I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
