Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
