She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
