I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
