why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
