i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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