dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
