why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize