She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
