He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
