yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
did i walk over a car last night?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize