you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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