I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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