i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
