I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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