i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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