Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
