So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
