I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
