We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
