At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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