Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
