would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
