You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
