I can text with my tongue
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
