Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
