i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
