brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will be naked everywhere
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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