How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
