i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
