Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
