# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize