covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need moral support for this bender
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
