I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
