Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
