After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
