No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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