This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
