btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
